Mental Fitness Mondays: Loving People Who Drain Us
16th March 2026How do we stay kind, keep caring, but also protect our own wellbeing?
Most of us know someone we care deeply about, yet spending time with them can leave us feeling wrung out. It might be their constant negative thoughts, passive aggressive comments, or a way of focusing only on their own needs. The truth is that these people are not “bad”; they may be struggling with their own mental fitness; but that doesn’t make it easy for us.
How do we stay kind, keep caring, but also protect our own wellbeing?
1: Notice the impact on you
Our brains are wired to mirror the emotions of those around us. If someone is relentlessly negative, your brain’s mirror neurons will pick that up; meaning your mood and energy can dip too. Step one is awareness. Pay attention to how you feel before, during and after time with this person.
2: Set gentle boundaries
Boundaries are not about shutting people out; they are about giving the relationship a better chance of being sustainable. That might mean keeping conversations shorter; choosing settings where you feel more in control; or steering away from topics that always spiral.
3: Don’t try to “fix” them
It is tempting to think that if we just say the right thing, they will suddenly see the light. But trying to fix others is rarely helpful. Your role is not to change them, but to manage how you engage. Offer compassion but hold back from rescuing.
4: Practise empathy without over-caring
Empathy is a vital muscle of mental fitness. It helps us understand others, even those whose behaviour we find frustrating. But empathy doesn’t mean absorbing someone else’s pain as your own. Keep your tank topped up with things that nourish you, so you have capacity to listen without drowning in it. Empathy has been shown to activate pain circuitry in the brain, which means it can be hard going on the body to be empathic. If you need to show a lot of empathy, also show yourself a lot of Self Care.
5: Strengthen your own resilience
If you know you will be with someone draining, plan a “recovery strategy” afterwards to build up your Resilience muscle. That might be a walk; phoning a friend who uplifts you; or five minutes of calm breathing. Think of it as the mental fitness equivalent of stretching after exercise; it helps you reset.
A Coaching question for you:
Who in your life leaves you feeling drained, and what one boundary or self care action could you try this week to protect your energy?