Mental Fitness Mondays: Be the Change
“I believe in myself Mummy”
“I believe in myself Mummy.”
I was on holiday in France when I heard my nearly 2-year-old utter those words. Out on a walk, we reached the top of a set of rather steep steps that we needed to navigate.
Contemplating what to do, I decided that as Maia was sensible for 22 months age, she would stay at the top while I took big sister down. Maia sat down obediently. Rhian held my hand and began descending, step by step.
I was focused on Rhian for a second, so when I glanced to check Maia, I was shocked to see that she was part way down the steps on her own.
“Maia! Stop!” I called, “It’s not safe.”
That’s when she said those words. “I believe in myself Mummy.”
Maia knew something about herself that I didn’t know; that she was capable of safely navigating those stairs even though my adult brain thought they were too steep for her little legs.
My daughters are now in their 20s. I feel a bit emotional recollecting that moment because it taught me two things: firstly that we underestimate people, and secondly that I’d helped instil some self-belief in my not-quite-two-year-old.
That day got me thinking about how we adults often underestimate other people and how we try to make life easier for them when instead we could be empowering them to build their Self Development muscles. If you’re regularly trying to rescue or fix things for others, it can be helpful to remember this.
Three ways to help others with their Self Development
1: Stop trying to rescue people
People I know in the unions often say, “don’t do for Members what they can do for themselves.” They understand that power lies in personal actions towards common goals. This doesn’t mean never doing anyone a favour. It does mean resisting the urge to take on more than your fair share or doing things out of a sense that others are weak.
2: See challenges as a chance to grow
When people face challenges, we can feel sorry for them or worried. Sometimes we worry more than necessary because we unconsciously define challenges as ‘insurmountable’ problems. People in desperate situations need help, like those in war-torn areas or faced with natural disasters. What I’m referring to here is when we underestimate some else’s abilities because they can’t do something… yet. Small examples might be encouraging your shy teenager to pick up their missed parcel from the neighbour instead of you going or inviting a service user to get in touch with a signposted organisation themselves.
3: Role model self-belief
Unless we have some self-belief ourselves, it’s hard to encourage others. What’s a small step out of your comfort zone you could make today that will build your Self Development muscles? My toddler daughter hadn’t learned the fears that adults have, which is why she could tackle those steep stairs. She also had a coach for a Mum who was often talking about things like self-belief and giving things a go. Sadly, as adults your equivalent of steep stairs can be magnified in your mind as just too steep.
A coaching question for you:
Who in your life would benefit from you stepping back from rescuing?
